Beware the Offering Plate

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I‘ve have been fortunate to make my living with my art as a ministry for over 40 years. Much of that “living” comes through the generosity of others via the offering plate that is passed after a performance at a church. The offering plate has been my friend, and has greatly blessed me and my ministry over the years.

But not everything I receive in an offering plate is money. I have also received Starbucks gift cards, lottery tickets, drawings from children, candy and gum, and of course pocket lint. Sometimes all poured into in a brown paper bag and handed to me as I walk out the door.

Something else that occasionally shows up in the offering plate is notes of encouragement. People will often write a “thank-you” and other words of appreciation on a scrap of paper and these are treasures to be sure!

And then there are the critiques…not as often as the notes of appreciation, but they show up from time to time. I have one of these tacked to a bulletin board in my office. It serves to remind me that just because they call it a “love offering” doesn’t guarantee that everything in the plate comes with “love.”

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Would love to laugh—you are not that funny—But God loves you.”

This note was after a performance of a piece that is billed as a comedy. If there is one thing I have learned by performing comedy, it’s that it is subjective. What one audience might find hysterical can be totally lost on another audience. There is nothing worse than doing comedy when nobody’s laughing. If I didn’t have a history of this performance being well received by hundreds of other audiences, I might have been offended at the note. Actually, it just made me laugh. But I do look at it from time to time and allow it to serve as a reminder that you can’t please everybody all the time and to not take myself too seriously.

It also makes me wonder just how much of this the average pastor must have to put up with on a regular basis. I can just imagine the pastor coming into the office on a Monday morning to a stack of “reviews” on his desk, all from the offering plate. Maybe it’s time to reassess the purpose of the plate.

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On a side note, as our society becomes more cashless, when people pay with their credit cards and smartphones, we may soon see the offering plate become obsolete. In one church I was in recently there was a kiosk at the back of the church for collecting offerings with credit cards.

So if I was at your church recently and you didn’t have your wallet and you would like to leave me a love offering, you can do so here: cash.me/donatemip. (I bet there a few less “surprises” in the offering plate when done this way!)

And if you want to leave me a note or even a critique, I will accept them in the comments below! (I reserve the right to delete the critiques!)

 

Spice Up Your Story

storyspiceHave you ever heard two people tell very different versions of the exact same story? Happens in our house all the time. I can recount an event and tell it to someone in less than 30 seconds—a “just the facts, ma’am” approach. My wife’s version of the same story might take a good 5 minutes and she will add details that I never noticed; sometimes I am convinced she is making things up.  We remember things differently and when we retell them, our versions are greatly influenced by how the event affected us personally. It might have been no big deal to me but a very significant event for my wife. My version is boring; hers is animated and full of life.

Telling a good story is more than just recounting details and facts. A good story engages the listener in ways they can identify with you and compels them to listen.  Here are 5 tips to help you spice up your story:

  1. Sensory Recall: What did you see, hear, smell, taste? Don’t go overboard, and don’t try to hit them all. This is a story for telling, not a novel. But adding a little “color” to the retelling will give people a feeling of being present in the story with you. “I walked into my parents’ home and smelled the apple pie baking in the oven.” Immediately you have struck a chord with those listeners who have had a similar experience.
  2. Commentary: “Fresh apple pie was one of the ways I knew my mother loved me.” Adding a little commentary on some of the things you mention can be a great way to enhance your story. It lets people see more of who you are, unlike simply recounting facts.
  3. Humor: When an audience laughs they identify with what you are saying. Laughter sets both you and the audience at ease. However, don’t tell jokes! Many comedians use observational humor in their routines–they might be telling a story but they add a few funny lines about whatever they are talking about. You could take the subject of “apple pie” and then talk about all the products you use every day that you wish smelled like apple pie: candles, deodorant, toilet paper, etc… Or maybe you have a funny story about biting into an apple and finding half a worm. Mining your story for humor will always be a winner with your audience.
  4. Dialog: Your story will be most effective if you can bring a sense of “now” to it. One very effective way to do this is to include dialog in the story. Instead of just telling us what happened, give voice to your characters. When you walk into the house, imitate your mother and say, “Honey, I made your favorite apple pie.” You can replay entire dialogs with a little change in voice and body posture. Your listeners will love it!
  5. Embellish: If you’ve seen a movie that starts out with a disclaimer “based on a true story,” you automatically know that some of what you are about to see is not exactly the way it happened. Dramatic license has been used. It’s okay to embellish and borrow from your life history to make a better story in the retelling.  I’m not saying to lie or to make stuff up, but you might have two different stories about your Mom’s apple pie. There was the time she mistakenly added chili powder instead of cinnamon and the time you ate a pie that was being saved for a special occasion. They are two separate but true events and there are elements from both stories you want to tell but time doesn’t allow you to tell both. You could turn both stories into one story. You ate a pie that was saved for a special occasion only to discover that your mother had used chili powder instead of cinnamon. You can embellish on your thoughts as well. The events happened when you were a child and I doubt you remember exactly what you were thinking or exactly what you said when you ate that pie. It is perfectly fine to add details that are true to who you are but may not be exactly what happened. You might say, “I felt so guilty for eating that pie” because it serves the point of your story. However, the truth might be you didn’t feel guilty, you felt disappointed because it tasted bad. It might have been hours, days, or weeks later that you felt guilty.

Adding some spice to your story will turn a good story into a great one. It will make your story more entertaining, and while entertainment may not be your goal, your story won’t make an impact unless you are entertaining in the process!

No Joyful Hearts!

Being an itinerant performer in ministry, I have been in literally thousands of churches during my 37-plus years of touring. I have been in churches of just about every size and flavor and most of the time I know what to expect when I show up to perform at a church service. However, if there is one area that can be the most unpredictable, the most uncertain, it is in performing comedy. I have learned that comedy is subjective and what can be rolling in the aisles hilarious to one audience can elicit nothing but crickets from another. I have learned from personal experience that comedy quickly turns to tragedy when nobody laughs—so I approach each of these performances with a bit of cautious anxiety.

While comedy is not typical fare for a worship service, often a church will invite me to perform my comedy, The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, for their worship service. It is humor with a purpose and in the right setting, the message can be profound to the listener.  The humor is medicine that heals the soul. But comedy in church, for some, is a bit of a stretch.

My nervousness was heightened at one church where upon arrival I noticed posters publicizing my performance and right beside each one was another poster which read:  “No Joyful Hearts This Morning.”  I was having a minor panic-attack.  I was sure I explained to the pastor that this was a comedy I was performing. And what kind of church would tell people to attend joyless?… I mean, I have been to several where I would have suspected that was the case, but to advertise for “No Joy” was a first!

I was relieved when I discovered the real meaning of the signs. The church had decided to cancel their children’s program for that morning and invite the children to stay in the service with the adults.  They felt the play would be enjoyed by young and old alike.  The name of their children’s program? Joyful Hearts.

Can you imagine what other guests might be thinking as they encountered those signs?
As the saying goes, “many a truth is said in jest,” and I wonder how many churches and individuals send out that very same message by how they approach and participate in church every week.

A friend of mine tells of a similar experience where he was performing a comedy in a church and no one was laughing.  He was dying on stage and couldn’t wait to leave not only the stage but the church.  After the performance one man said to him: “That was the funniest thing I have every seen… it was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud.”

Can you laugh out loud in your church? Is your church a place of joy? Got a funny story about laughter in church?

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