Jun

13

On Age and Relevance in the Church

Arts / Blog Archive / Stories / Worship
“Our church is shrinking,” they’d whine
Average age, seventy-one, a bad sign
To avert a disaster
A millennial pastor!
The average is now sixty-nine

The email from the pastor made me chuckle.

“We have a mostly older congregation, no children, but we do have one millennial couple!”

“One millennial couple” and it was almost as if it was a badge of honor.

But I understood. The church has changed drastically in the years that I have been involved in ministry. My friend, Pastor Jon, likes to remind me that “no one has been in more churches than Chuck Neighbors.”  I don’t know if that is exactly true, but I have been in a different church almost every weekend for the last 45 years. I have seen a lot of change over the years.

My generation of Baby Boomers, who once strived so hard to be “relevant” and “contemporary” in church now find themselves on the outside of church culture. To the younger church culture we are now, it seems, irrelevant and too traditional by their standards.

Indeed it is rare to find a church that appeals to all ages. Churches that promote a “contemporary” worship style seem locked into a new tradition they have created that is no longer contemporary. In striving to be relevant, contemporary has become tradition.

I recently did a series of performances for a church in Sun City, Arizona. Sun City is well known as a retirement community. There was a good turnout every night. People enjoyed the performances. I have a statement that is read when I am introduced, that “if babies get too noisy to please take them out of the room so as not to distract from the performance.”

The pastor read this and received a big laugh.

Babies? There was not even one millennial couple in the audience.

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Nov

10

10 Random Observations about the Church

Blog Archive / How To's / News / Travels

A row of Church pewsI travel and perform/speak in a different church almost every weekend and have for the past 40 years—that’s a lot of churches. You do the math. And these are churches of all denominations and sizes and colors. Lunch with the pastor after a morning service is typical. I can almost always count on being asked a question like this:  “Chuck, you are in a lot of churches… what are some observations you’ve made about the church today?”

I know they want an answer with some profundity, but I don’t know if my answers will satisfy. So here are 10 random observations about the church, for what they are worth, and in no specific order.  This is not a scientifically researched treatise… just my observations.

1) The medium-size church is disappearing. I am often in church buildings designed to hold 500-1000 people with less than 100 in the worship service. There seem to be churches of under 100, and the mega church with thousands of people, but not much in between—churches of 200-500 are few. Pastors routinely over-estimate their attendance. They will tell me they have 150 people in worship but when I arrive there are less than 100… this happens a lot!

2) Based on my experience it would seem that the average age in most churches today is over 50. There is plenty of gray hair and there are not very many millennials in the pews.

3) The “Meet and Greet” moment in the worship service needs go. Most churches do it and in most churches it feels forced and awkward. I see plenty of meeting and greeting before the service that seems genuine. If your main goal is to make a visitor feel welcome, I think there is a better way to do it.

4) I have rarely visited a church that matches the negative stereotype portrayed in the media or by Hollywood. (That being the extremes of super fanatical or super boring). I’m not saying they don’t exist… but they are certainly not what I have found under the majority of steeples in the country.

5) People really do “play hooky” from church when the pastor is gone. I often fill in for a pastor who is away at a conference or on vacation. I almost always hear the head deacon say, “I don’t know where everybody is today.”

6) Contrary to what the media would have you believe, the church is filled with people who care about the poor and are involved in ministries that are truly striving to make a difference.

7) At the risk of sounding like my parents… your music is too loud!

8) People still sit in the back (maybe because the music is too loud) or are very spread out in the sanctuary, making those 100 people in a space that hold 500 feel even more empty.

9) There is not much being done to encourage and elevate the arts in most churches. Other than the worship team/band, the opportunities for an artist to be involved in the life of the church are very limited. (I’ve blogged about this one before, but I have to throw it in here.)

10) It can be a challenge today to figure out a church’s denominational affiliation. Oh it still exists, but you won’t find it on church signs and in printed material like you used to. This can be good thing. It can also be embarrassing if, say, you are charismatic and think you are in a Pentecostal church, only to find yourself being stared down after raising your arms and shouting hallelujah in a Baptist church.

Like I said, no science here… just some observations from that “Christian Actor Guy!”

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Aug

29

Let Go and Let God… or something like that

Blog Archive / News / Stories / Travels

Man praying in churchIn my last post I talked about Millennials, and the perceptions many of them hold about the church. As a balance it is only fitting that we Boomers take stock in how we communicate our love and concern for the things of God to those we love…our children. As the adage goes, it can be hard to “let go and let God” have control. We often want to “fix it.” It has been a tough lesson for me to learn (still learning) and one that I do address in my own story, Go Ask Your Mother… A Father’s Story.

At a recent performance of my story in Southern California, I was privileged to hear from a parent that was able to come to terms with this very struggle:

“Chuck gave a perfect testimony of what the reality is of parenting and spiritual guidance. I came away realizing my (God-given) responsibility to guide my son needs to be tempered by his own individual walk with Christ, not by my worry to see his bottom firmly seated in a pew each Sunday, or chasing around with a youth group. Neither appeals to him at the moment and I KNOW forcing a teenager to go to church will not bring him closer to God. I also know I don’t want him to be the prodigal son returning after wreaking havoc on himself…so Chuck’s stories sent me home feeling encouraged to give my son some space and just talk with him right now rather than be heavy-handed. I did go home to have a short chat with him about it. He expressed that he does pray, and he likes our church…he doesn’t want to try other churches. So, my husband and I need to pray on it and listen for what the Spirit guides for encouraging growth in the boy. Ooops. Young man.  Chuck’s message was heard at our home and the timing, of course, was PERFECT. If I’m the only parent who came away from that message encouraged and not pushing away one teenage boy…it was worth his travel from Oregon and I thank him.”

As a parent of 3 boys I have lived the story this parent shares x3. As I say repeatedly when I share my story, “these stories aren’t finished yet… there is hope!”

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Jul

31

To Millennials Who Don’t Like the Church

Blog Archive / News / Stories / Travels

Glowing spiral light bulb character and tungsten one handshakingI just finished reading yet another article telling me and my generation of boomers how we have blown it when it comes making the church a place for millennials. According to the articles and books I have read, we are guilty of a multitude of sins. We are: too judgmental, too exclusive, too political, too old-fashioned and in general we are a bunch of haters. We hate sin, we hate sinners, and we hate those who are friends of sinners. We have it all figured out. We know right from wrong and if you disagree with us you are going to hell!

Did I get that about right?

Well, if you are a millennial reading this and you agree with those statements about us, then I want to tell you, I think you’re wrong. You see, most of those statements about the church people I know are not true. Oh sure, there are probably a few like that in every church, but not the vast majority. I spend my life visiting churches, it’s part of my job. Most of the people I encounter are far from the stereotype the media would have us believe. And here is the news flash: the people you are describing are your parents. I am the father of 3 millennials and I would be devastated if I felt my kids believed all those things about me.

As a parent I struggle, along with many in the church, to understand why so many of our children have abandoned the church. I don’t have the answers, but I can tell you if it is for the reasons stated above, for the most part I think you have it wrong. Let me address some of those points.

• Too Judgmental: While it is true that we grew up in a culture and in a time that had “all the answers,” we also live in the culture of today. Unless we have our head in the sand, we are aware of what is happening in the world around us. While we may have some strong opinions about right and wrong, we struggle along with everyone else to reconcile our our faith with the world in which we live. Some of us have faced the challenges and even changed our minds about previous assumptions. And most of the time when we listen to sermons, we are apt to be thinking about our own “log in the eye” and not about you. I don’t think many of us come to church to sit in judgment of the millennials outside the church.

• Too Exclusive: Obviously we are a body of believers united by our faith. But to set us up as a group of people who want nothing to do with people who are different from us is inaccurate and unfair. Most church people I know are concerned about others both inside the church as well as outside. I work for a charity that helps feed and care for the poor around the world. The people funding this work are church people. It’s church people that often offer free clinics, soup kitchens, and drives for school supplies for those who can’t afford them. And when it comes to politics, we are all over the board.

• A Bunch of Haters: Sure there are the few in our midst that would fall into that category, but they are a minority. A minority that is constantly reinforced in the media to make the rest of us look bad. The church at large is not Westboro Baptist Church–far from it. When you categorize us as haters, remember that millennials are our children! We don’t hate our children. Yes, we may have some strong ideas about sin and what needs to be done about our sin. But believing there is a right and wrong on a particular issue is not the same as hate. My experience is that most church people and church leaders are open to conversation about some of the things you think we hate. We may be on different sides of a cultural issue, but we don’t hate you because of it.

Most Christ followers I know are struggling just like everyone else to make their lives mean something in this world we live in. The church continues to be a place of community for us. It has it’s flaws, to be sure, for we are made up of humans who are flawed. As one pastor pointed out to me, the church the only institution that mattered to Christ. It is, or should be an institution of people known for their love, not their hate. I invite you to visit us with an open mind, talk to us. You might just be surprised at what you find.

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